Kevin d'Souza

1998, 02:45 minutes, colour, English


This video explores the symbolics of how I came to know my sexualized body. I think I attribute this understanding to my experience with cancer and chemotherapy - the critical angle. My diagnosis of lymphoma inaugurated the start of my coming out process. It marks the beginning of my recognition of a sexual self and that of a lack. The chemotherapy was a pivotal period of the recognition of an 'absence of a recognition". The experience of pain forced an acceptance "yes, this is my body; this body has the ability to deny and betray".
"Everyday I watched my body change; gradually occupying less and less space until it became a ghost haunting its own boundaries. First the emptiness created by pain and then the vacancy hollowed out by disgust."

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